So my dear friend gets the bright idea to leave our
hectic lovely city of New York in favor of the boring simpler life of New Jersey…BAD IDEA COLLEEN.
It all starts with the
Stalking Welcome Letter from her daughter’s new teacher. So Colleen thought it was a bit strange, but little Shannon was thrilled to receive “mail” in her new mailbox (we all know what 5 year olds think of the postal system…give them 20 years and they’ll feel differently).
So Shannon starts school and then two days later “the call” comes. Now if you know our little NYC children, the calls usually start with “We have a little problem with your child…blah, blah, blah.” Colleen was puzzled when the new teacher went on and on about what a delight it was to have Shannon in her class. At this point, I’m sure the teacher is taking happy pills (not that Shannon isn’t adorable, but let’s face it…she is a former NY ). I’m thinking it will only be a matter of time before the lovely teacher will be written up in the local paper as being some type of cult leader…Colleen’s not sure yet, but she knows I just may be right (I usually am).
But so far so good…Shannon is happy in her new school and all is right in the world. Well, that’s until Colleen gets to the checkout at her new grocery store. The
dumb arse cashier, of course, has to strike up a friendly conversation and insists on bagging Colleen’s groceries. All the while Colleen is thinking she’ll never get out of the store at this rate. But 30 minutes later she’s make it to the car and is now late…so she gets behind the wheel and notices something strange on the road. There’s a lack of four letter words and middle fingers from the other drivers. Everyone is just so happy…Colleen comes face to face with her internal road rage. How will she ever survive there without the daily outbursts? It just makes driving so much more interesting…and you know that’s true Ms. Colleen.
So here I am feeling bad for Colleen all by her lonesome self in the big state of New Jersey when she “casually mentions” her dear friend who lives only 2 streets away from her. WHAT THE HECK? What’s up with that? I mean, we’ve been DEAR FRIENDS for several years and you’ve NEVER mentioned
Replacement Friend™ her…nice, real nice.
But that’s just dandy…right before Colleen left me behind, Diana moved to the neighborhood and now hangs out with me. I’m hoping Diana can fill the void Colleen has left…but I have serious concerns. Since Diana’s been here, she’s had both her cell phone and 4-wheeler stolen…ummm we LOCK things up when we are not using them…we don’t have an “open door policy.” Not to mention, she went and got herself a job…that means less Girls’ Days/Nights Out…what was she thinking? Furthermore, I don’t think Diana has any “Fighting Irish” in her like my buddy, Colleen…but Diana just may surprise me…she’s as sweet as pie and has lots of qualities I look for in a friend, most importantly a husband who gladly watches the kids…KWIM?